First Bottle

Today was your first bottle.  It was exciting, but a little anticlimactic because you've done so well at breast and I'm a breastfeeding mom, so ultimately I don't even want you to drink from bottles regularly.  BUT it was a NICU milestone and I wanted to be the one to feed you the first bottle.  You did great - no brady's or desats.  In 30min took about 32mL of the 50mL bottle; they fed the rest through your tube.  The nurse said you do so well with your sucking, swallowing and breathing.  Taking breaks to rest and catch your breath and then starting back at it.

I much prefer breastfeeding, but it has been a hard balance between figuring out how to pump and breastfeed and keep my milk supply up.  It is hard to get on a schedule of pumping so that I am able to come in and feed you and be full enough for you to be successful.  There is a huge learning curve for Mommy on this combo pumping and BFing and I'm praying I can keep my supply up so we can be successful to exclusively BF some day.  Then I can donate my 8+ gallons of milk in the freezer!

Baby Blue

Trying out the hat mommy crocheted.
It fits just right.

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100!

Today we hit 100 days of life!  I hate it that we have been in the hospital so long, but at least when people ask me how Joshua is I can honestly say he's making great progress!  He's had a good day!  Thank you heavenly Father for finally helping us turn a corner.  Thank you for letting us *breathe* the past 5 days!  For progress without instantaneous back-sliding.  For progress that we get to rest in for more than 24 hours!  Thank you Lord!  Thank you for a good eye exam.  Thank you for success on the high-flow cannula.  Thank you that Joshua's belly is tolerating 25% breast milk, 75% alimentum so far.  Thank you for success in sucking, swallowing, breathing!  Thank you!

Yesterday I tried non-nutritive breast-feeding again.  The lactation consultant was right there to keep an eye on Joshua's stats and again he did great!!!  I felt a let down and asked if I needed to stop because he was swallowing and getting more than previous times...nope we'd just pull everything back out.  So Joshua fed for 10+ minutes and got 12mLs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And again Chris the lactation consultant said, "Well we knew you were a tv star, but we didn't know you were going to be a rock star at feeding too!"

Still so little

Look at me holding you...you are still such a little boy.

 

 

Mommy and Me

After your non-nutritive breast feed today (where they had to suck out 12mLs of milk that you worked so hard for from your little belly and throw it away - so sad) you were SO wide awake.  You were having some great quiet alert time and Mommy was enjoying some face to face time with you.  You wanted to look around and move your arms.  You were quite content and Daddy got some fun photos as Mommy talked to you.

You are a rockstar!

You like to claw at your face and tubes!

Mommy and Me!

You won't be able to breathe
without that buddy!

So mom, how was your day?

I sure like it when you hold me mom!

Look at the bear hat that mom made!

My little rock star!

My rock star!  That's what the lactation consultant called you today!  Mommy was given the okay to try some non-nutritive breast-feeding!  So I went in today and tried to pump and pump every last drop of milk out.  Then they took out your OG tube and put in an NG tube so you could be more successful at sucking.  Then the Chris's helped me get you out and set up.  Chris the nurse thought it wouldn't be too different from breast-feeding my other kids.  Chris the lactation consultant said, "Oh, no - you've never breastfed a preemie before.  It will be a totally different experience."  So who was right?!?!?!?!  Our nurse (and me)!

Here's why...You LOVE sucking on your pacifier and when it falls out of your mouth you usually try to get a finger or thumb to suck on if no one is around to stick the paci back in your mouth.  So with your love of sucking and Mommy's 2 3/4 years of breastfeeding experience, I was pretty confident on my end that we could be successful...and you did great!!!

You latched on right away and after about three sucks the lactation consultant yelled, "Stop, Stop, get him off!"  I was a little startled, but did what she said.  The "problem" she explained was that you were swallowing the milk (which you aren't supposed to do since it makes your belly blow up with air)  So we tried again...and again you latched on and started swallowing, so she stopped me a second time.  I was a little disappointed thinking that this was going to be the end after only about 2 minutes, but then she told me to continue feeding for as long as you were able to and we'd just suck the residual back out of your NG tube.  So you suckled and your sats and heart rate stayed normal.  You were happy and swallowing milk, just like any other newborn.  You took normal pauses and would start right back up.  This went on for 10-15 minutes.  The lactation consultant was totally amazed at how well you did...how you latched on, how your stats were great, and how you didn't tire out.  She said over and over that you were a rock star!  She said she could count on one hand the amount of preemies that have done so well at their first attempt at non-nutritive feeding!  She was especially impressed with you because you have been so sick and been through so much and yet you have the suck, swallow, breathe thing down!!!  That is HUGE! 

It makes me so grateful to have this opportunity to try to feed you.  Just this morning I was crying, not wanting to pump another ounce out of my body.  It has become harder and harder especially since I've been on antibiotics.  Hopefully I will get to really nurse you soon.  I pray that you are able to tolerate my milk without changing my diet.  The lactation consultant and I did talk about trying to take dairy out so that I'm still able to feed you.  She doesn't want to see you on formula with how well you handled the feed! 

She also gave me some encouraging words saying that there is a high correlation between the time spent kangarooing and the success rate of breastfeeding.  She applauded all our time spent holding you which made me feel very good.  I struggle so much with wanting to be here more.   I always want to hold you more than I'm able; I always feel guilty when I have to go back home to the older kids.  I'm glad kangarooing is paying off.  And I'm so thankful that your brain can co-ordinate the pattern of sucking, swallowing and breathing.  It gives me great hope that even with the severity of your brain bleed that you may continue to defy the odds and be our little rock star!~

After a very successful non-nutritive feed!

To God be the Glory

To God be the glory, great things He has done;
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that all may go in.

 

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

 

We can see your face Joshua!  No more mask!  I went straight to the hospital after church this morning to get there in time to be there when you transitioned to high flow cannula.  They put you on 3 liters at 30% oxygen.  The transition went really well!  You actually just kept right on sleeping!  I'm sure it felt so good to get that big contraption of a helmet off of your head and we love seeing your face and your cute little nose!  

 

After you transitioned from c-pap to cannula, the nurse had to watch you for at least 15 minutes before I could pick you up out of bed.  They wanted to make sure that you would tolerate it well.  As soon as the 15 minutes were up the nurse helped me get you out of bed and I cradle-held you and you just kept sleeping in my arms for most of the hour.  Thank you Lord that things continue to go in the right direction! 

Before

After

I'm not sure why you are upset!

Holding you - staring at your cute little face!