Amazing what a year and thousands of prayers can do!

Today was a hard day for me with lots of thoughts going to last year.  People wished me a happy birthday today saying, "I know it will be better than last year!"  But you know what?! I would go back to last years' birthday in a heartbeat.  I do not want to relive the NICU days, but you gave me the best gift last year; it is one I will never forget as long as I live...the hour I got to hold you for the first time!

In a way I was nervous to pick you up, but I was confident as a mom.  I didn't want the nurses to place you in my arms.  I'm your mom and I was going to do it wires, tubes, and all.  You weighed next to nothing.  It wasn't even like picking a baby up because you didn't move you just stayed motionless in your snugli wrap.  Your skin didn't feel like skin; it was so thin and sticky from the humid isolette.  Your head was so small my hand could not even cup around it as I held you.  The nurse put lots of warm blankets on you to keep you nice and warm against me.  I was afraid to move them for fear that you would get cold and have to go back in the isolette.  I wasn't allowed to rub or stroke you all your wires were taped down, and I didn't move a muscle or make a sound for that whole hour, but I treasured every moment with our hearts against each other, mine regulating yours, trying to figure out this new NICU setting and become more confident in this new home you had been placed in.

How could anyone say it was an awful birthday last year?!  God knew what my heart needed and he answered this prayer and so many prayers to come.  Look at you snuggling in to me this year!  This is a very rare occurrence these days as you are always on the move, you don't even like to breastfeed anymore.  Even in the quietest of rooms you get so distracted twisting and turning, moving and kicking, smiling and bouncing...but tonight you snuggled and I thank you for giving me another wonderful gift!