Trimming the tree

Today we promised the kids that we would decorate our tree.  It has been up for a week, but today we finally took the time to trim it with lights and ornaments.  Abby reminded me that last year I was at the hospital when Daddy and the kids decorated the tree.  I had totally forgotten that I missed it.  I guess I just blocked out that memory along with other things about last year's Christmas season that were disappointing and disheartening.

This year as I trimmed the tree with you pulling up at my legs or with you on my hip, a lump swelled in my throat.  Remembering the difficulty of the season last year with our family apart.  You wanted a part in the decorating this year.  You wanted to be held.  You wanted me to remember that you are here and that you are healthy.  

The brokenness of last Christmas definitely effected me more than I realized.  I told a homeschool mom recently that we were already on Christmas break.  She was surprised, and as I explained to her the reason, I could barely finish my sentence.  I just briefly told her that this year I want to enjoy this Christmas season with my kids, to enjoy doing normal holiday things with them like baking cookies and listening to Christmas music - things we didn't get to do last year together.  She understood and as I tried to regain composure I realized that the ways we just had to survive and get through the season with you in the hospital left another hole in my heart.  Last year was hard.  Last Christmas was really hard.  I'm thankful we can all be together this year!!!

So far you don't care too much about the tree and the sparkling lights or decorations.  I hope it isn't an issue this year...but you are one curious explorer!!!