Ever since I was in high school I was the one on my cross country and track teams making locker signs and writing encouraging notes. My personality shone through the ways I would serve my team. I was quiet - still am, but loved to braid hair, loved to cheer teammates, loved to make locker signs, loved to make good-luck gifts. I made a scrapbook for my sister at her graduation. During college I would make cards and write notes to my sibs. During my dating years I would draw cards, write out Bible verses, and make good luck notes for Joe. Since kids that part of my life has pretty much died away, but it used to bring me joy. I also remember how much I enjoyed encouraging others when I was a high school math teacher. Kids would get down about math or about life and I really enjoyed talking with them to help them look at the brighter side, helping them to have hope.
So I thought maybe now in life's current circumstances I should rekindle some of those things in order to see more positives. So I did something about it... I found an encouraging blog post about NICU moms and posted it in the mother's pumping room. I helped Joshua make a scrapbook wall hanging for a friend in the NICU. I made a blanket for the same friend in the NICU. I've initiated conversations with a couple more moms and gotten out of my comfort zone in order to help them look at the brighter side. And in all of it, I'm seeing a little brighter side too. It certainly helps that Joshua is improving. And there are still many days when I am still struggling with life, but digging up this passion of mine to encourage and love others in verbal and tangible ways is finally helping me cope with all that is going on.
Another thing that has helped me cope is a kind woman I've met...There is a wonderful clerk at the desk when I walk into the first NICU unit. She is a Christian and a true light. You can just see Jesus shining in her eyes. She often comments about my smile or the light she sees in my eyes. Sometimes I think she is crazy when she tells me that I'm shining a light here in this dark place. I don't feel like I'm shining Jesus in this time when I'm trudging through life day to day. But I'm trying to see that God can use me here, in this awful place to be a light to the people that I meet. Even with my quiet, boring personality, somehow this clerk sees a light in me. She encourages me with scripture, she encourages me when I tell her about Joshua's progress, she asks about my other kids, and homeschooling, and Joe. Working in this setting she knows how hard it is for babies to make real progress..."Inch by inch is a cinch, yard by yard is too hard." is what she likes to tell me. She has been through quite a lot of things in her life and knows how hard it is when you struggle to put your hands together to pray. She says she is helping me "exercise my arms" to lift them up to the heavens, to thank and praise the Creator for my little miracle. I pray that someday I can have that light and hope I see in her eyes too, shining for Jesus. Thank you Lord for Donna!
Right now I will try to keep encouraging other moms that I have met and try to initiate friendly conversations with the other doctors, clerks, environmental services staff, and nurses. And I pray that God uses me as a light for as long as we are here at Children's and gives me the courage to do so...and gives me grace when I feel so overwhelmed with life that I don't have the strength to step out of my problems and smile.
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