A psalm for you

Today was a rough day, a really, really rough day for Mommy.  Thankfully you've been stable and no big changes.  But all of the feelings that Mommy has been feeling these past 7 weeks are surfacing more and more.  I am weary and worn.  I have worries, and fears; feelings of sadness and loneliness.  On top of that my body is feeling the effects of lack of sleep, not eating the best, depletion from pumping, still sore at times from my surgery...I've gotten a cold on top of everything.  So I didn't visit you today.  Daddy went and held you, but I stayed back to try to recover physically and emotionally. 

I found a psalm that spoke to me today and I prayed your name in it to...

Psalm 61
Hear my cry, O God;
    listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,
    I call as my heart grows faint;
    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
    a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever
    and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
For you, God, have heard my vows;
    you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

Increase the days of the king’s [Joshua's] life,
    his years for many generations.
May he [Joshua] be enthroned in God’s presence forever;
    appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

Then I will ever sing in praise of your name
    and fulfill my vows day after day.

 

Some days I pray for God's mercy and your healing on this earth, but then there are other days that I just pray for him to take you away to a place where you won't feel any more hurt or pain; the place where there won't be any future suffering for you.  I need to have hope though, even when things seem hopeless.  Love you little boy.